Isolation

I came across this poem under 'work to be critiqued' and so as such I shall respect that request.

I feel as if you have a very strong idea of what it is your trying to express and your tone reflects this - I unfortunatly dont think that your language does. I think that almost every statement you write falls into cliche and the fact you have chosen to use rhyme is also making the whole poem feel cliched and may well be hindering you finding your real meaning. I would suggest as an exercise, just to look at any statements in this which you feel may be cliched and try to find new ways of putting it -play with your language and find an interesting voice. Try and work on using more imagery, show the reader insted of telling them.

I will check out some more of your writing. I hope that you can find something useful in all of that.

Good Luck